


The Art Of Letting Go

by Debbydev



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 20:52:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12093198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Debbydev/pseuds/Debbydev
Summary: Mark's insecurities come back to haunt him when Jinyoung begins ignoring him. He is shunned and tuned out like always, except this time it breaks his heart.





	The Art Of Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! I wrote an angsty one-shot. I don't know why. 
> 
> Disclaimer: mild language 

It was a Thursday evening, the sound of the cold incessant rain of late autumn descending in torrents filled the apartment as he remained curled up on the couch. The dark room would occasionally light up with the bright flash of lightening but he stayed unflinching, numb even with the booming, ripping clap of thunder that rattled the windowpanes. Usually even a mild rumble of thunder would have him startled but now he couldn’t feel anything. The world was etched in charcoal and all the vibrant hues that he saw the world by was only a vivid dream. Buried in darkness, he felt suffocated but unable to move because he was more terrified of the light.

So Mark stayed, unmoving with the dark thick aroma of isolation. He wondered where it went wrong. He wondered what he did wrong. The beads of water started falling one after another, his dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears, emotions swirling like ocean currents as the soft sobs echoed through the entire apartment. But that’s okay because no one was there to hear them.

He was hopelessly in love but he had always known that he was never enough for the perfection that was Park Jinyoung; girls and boys alike threw themselves at him at any given chance and Mark had been just as enamored by him as anyone, except as unbelievable as it sounds, Jinyoung seemed just as interested in him. As hard it was for him to comprehend, Jinyoung was just as smitten by Mark as Mark was by him.

He was reluctant and fearful of giving in to someone way out of his league, he knew he didn’t have much to offer to someone like him but he stood no chance when the younger was always dripping with charm and radiating with so much warmth, making him believe that he was perfect the way he was. He allowed himself to be blinded by the idea of love and block what his inner, a much more practical Mark had been yelling; leave before he leaves you because he will leave you when he finds someone better.

All his insecurities came alive now, mocking him as if saying ‘told you so! Did you really think he was going to stay with you forever?’ The answer was yes, he had the audacity to dream of a forever, even though he should’ve known better.

He didn’t know what happened and why was it so sudden but before he knew all of his time was spent either in his office, away from Jinyoung or in his couch, alone and away from Jinyoung. No more surprise lunches that could fix a bad day, no more soft kisses to shower him with love, no more back hugs, his recipe for sweet comfort or even the lingering stares that used to make him feel flustered. Now he was invisible. It’s wasn’t a foreign feeling for Mark; he was invisible for most of his life. He never stood out; his longing for quietude, his shy demeanor and his distaste for unwanted attention left him in the shadows, unseen and unnoticed. But not with Jinyoung. Never with Jinyoung.

The younger had tunnel vision when it came to Mark, something that always left the older in awe. But now he was the same, except this time it hurt. Living in the same apartment, he wouldn’t even spare a glance at Mark and Mark found out what pain truly felt like. Sometimes he would catch Jinyoung’s cold gaze when he would try to initiate conversation and it broke him to see that there was no warmth, no love and certainly no hope. He stopped trying after a while.

Mark knew that it was a matter of days before Jinyoung would finally ask him to put an end to this, he was surprised he hasn’t already. He wanted to be prepared, to be strong. His things were packed, waiting to be kicked out for whatever crime he had committed.

His phone buzzed to life suddenly, interrupting his train of thoughts. Picking it up he saw Jackson’s message to his question of whether or not he could move in with him for a few days.

From: Jackson  
Wtf of course you can move in dude! You don’t have to ask me, but why do you think you would have to move out in the first place? Jinyoung loves you with his life man, he would never ask you to move out. Things might be going a little rough, but it won’t come to that.

Mark smiled bitterly at the text and agreed partially. He liked to think that at some point Jinyoung loved him as much Mark loved him. With shaky hands he started to type, Jackson being the only friend he could talk to at the moment.

To: Jackson  
Feelings change. His certainly did. He can drop the question any day, so I need a place to stay until I find my own. Thanks for helping me out. I won’t stay in your hair for long.

From: Jackson:  
You can live here forever, what are friends for? But why Mark? Do you think he’s cheating?

Mark frowned at the text. Jinyoung was a man with very firm moral beliefs, one of the many things Mark fell in love with. He was always one to do the right thing. Mark didn’t doubt his faithfulness even for a second.

To: Jackson  
He is a lot of things but not a cheater. He just…..doesn’t like me anymore. He may have found someone better, it’s not hard to do but I don’t believe he has cheated.

Jinyoung couldn’t even bear to even look at him these days as if it caused him physical pain, but Jackson didn’t need to know that. Mark always thought he was replaceable, so the prospect of Jinyoung finding someone who is as perfect as he is shouldn’t be surprising. Wounding yes, but not surprising.

From: Jackson  
Then why are you still there? Why don’t you demand an answer and break it off? How are you okay being treated like that?

It was a good question. He was certain Jinyoung didn’t want him anymore yet he couldn’t find the strength to leave. He wanted to stay as long as Jinyoung would let him.

To: Jackson  
Being here, I still get to see him Jackson; I get to make dinner for him and get to be his boyfriend. He leaves breakfast for me before he goes, even if he doesn’t actually greet me. I know he doesn’t want me anymore but the little gestures by him and for him mean the world to me and sometimes just breathing the same air as him is enough. It’s pathetic I know. But I’ll take whatever I can get. Think of it as treasuring whatever time I have left with him before…..you know he decides it’s enough.

From: Jackson  
Mark, you’ll be the only one getting hurt that way. Leave him or at least talk to him about it. You don’t deserve this. If he doesn’t like you anymore then why hasn’t he ended it yet?

To Jackson:  
Pity maybe? I do look pitiful and sound like it too. Maybe he’s giving me time to prepare.

From: Jackson  
I’ll punch the living daylights out of that fucker the next time I see him. Come back Mark, I’ll set u up with guys much better than him. You can do much better.

To: Jackson  
He got over a relationship Jackson, he didn’t commit a federal crime. He fell out of love, that doesn’t make him a monster. I’ll be fine, I can’t have him but I don’t want anyone else either so please don’t worry.

From: Jackson  
Don’t do this to yourself Mark.

Mark didn’t reply and just slid his phone on the table. Jinyoung would be returning in a few hours, so he just lay there curled up as a ball in the couch. Jinyoung would as usual ignore his presence but from here he would at least be able to catch a glimpse of the man he was in love with. He knew he was going to lose that privilege soon, so he waited for him with tears in his eyes. He cried silently until his eyelids got heavy, his chest aching, remembering the last time Jinyoung kissed him was almost a month ago. If only he knew that it would be their last kiss.

'I wish I could be what you wanted' was the last thing he thought before he drifted off to sleep with a sad smile on his face, body cold and numb, and face wet with tears.

 

 

Completely worn out from the office workload, walking sluggishly Jinyoung was about to enter the building when suddenly he heard a familiar voice calling out his name. Turning around was the biggest mistake he made because his face, specifically his nose collided with someone’s fist who definitely was not new to punching people.

He staggered back with a cry from the blow, almost toppling over the bench next to him.

Clutching his nose and whimpering in pain, he looked for the attacker. It took a few seconds for his eyes to focus but then he was able to make sense of the features of his attacker who looked familiar and furious as if he was the one who got punched in the face.

‘Jackson what the fuck?’ Jinyoung managed to yell out

Jackson was standing there, clenching and unclenching his fists, looking like he was restraining from punching him again.

‘Why the fuck did you punch me? And why the fuck do you look like you are about to do it again?’

Jinyoung was outraged but Jackson looked remorseless with his jaw tightening and his eyes ablaze with anger.

‘Trying to make things even. Why should Mark be the only one who’s broken? You deserve to feel some pain too’ He finally answered with gritted teeth

Jinyoung’s eyes widened at the mention of Mark before he narrowed them and spoke coldly ‘If you want to catch up with your friend then go ahead, don’t bring me into your bullshit’

That just made Jackson angrier as he grabbed the younger’s collar and slammed him into the wall, Jinyoung groaning from the impact

‘What the hell happened to you? You loved him so much! Now you’re the one killing him!’

Jinyoung despite the stinging pain in his nose, glared at Jackson

‘So he complained to you? Playing the victim is he? Where was all the ‘love’ when he was sucking faces with Brian?’

Jackson loosened his grip on Jinyoung but didn’t let him go and stared at him in utmost confusion.

‘What are you talking about?’

Jinyoung struggled against his hold but Jackson was much stronger. His resistance was futile.

‘Tell me’ Jackson practically growled and Jinyoung sighed in defeat

‘Fine, but let go of me first’ His voice sharp like daggers, not his usual gentle and mellow voice and Jackson complied.

Brushing off his clothes, Jinyoung took a deep breath, his expression still cold and said with an even colder voice ‘Follow me’. He started walking off to the exit of the building, not even bothering to check if Jackson was following or not.

The arrived at the huge garden of the building and took the unoccupied seats in the bench wordlessly. The tension in the air was palpable and not even the gentle breeze or the quiet giggles of the kids near them could diffuse it.

‘Talk’ Jackson spat out harshly but Jinyoung seemed unaffected

After a while he started talking, his voice was awfully strained and filled with bitter disappointed

‘It was Bam’s birthday. I came early and alone since Mark had to work longer. I was waiting for him Jackson, too see his face after such a long day. His smile alone always made my stress disappear.’

He paused and Jackson stopped himself from hurrying him.

‘He texted me that he reached the place, and I started searching for him and then…….then I found him.’ Jackson stared at Jinyoung who was fighting back tears and continued in a choked up choice ‘I found him with Brian in the hallway, with his tongue down his throat’ He let out a shaky breath and let the tears stream down in his stoic face.

Jackson closed his eyes and shook his head while sighing.

‘What did you do then?’

‘I left’

‘Of course you did’ Jackson muttered, frustrated but continued nevertheless ‘So you think he cheated on you with Brian?’

‘Think? I know it!’ Jackson found Jinyoung’s incredulous stare ridiculous.

‘You know nothing Park Jinyoung. Now answer me carefully, did you see his face?’

‘What?’

‘Did you or did you not see Mark’s face Jinyoung?

‘N-No. I couldn’t walk closer to them without throwing up but I knew it was him. He was wearing the shirt I gave him and he looke-‘

‘He looked like Mark? Yeah no shit, you’re such an idiot Jinyoung’ Jackson said, rolling his eyes

‘Of course you would defend your best friend’ Jinyoung snapped

‘Friend or not, I would never defend a cheater. Now shut up and listen to what actually happened’

Jinyoung was going to interrupt but was silenced by Jackson’s glare.

‘We came late to Bam’s party because we had too much work in the office that day and we became even more late because one of our new co-worker Troye spilled coffee all over himself. Mark being the sweet guy he is, gave Troye his shirt to wear even though he planned it to wear it himself later at the party.’

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide at this new piece of information. Jackson wasn’t even done with the story and it already changed things.

‘We came in late and Troye quickly abandoned us for his mystery guy he had a crush on and now judging from you’re story it wasn’t a one sided crush and Brian was the mystery guy. I think you know where I’m going with this’

‘B-But-’ Jinyoung looked appalled and somehow Jackson felt satisfied so he continued dropping one truth bomb after another.

‘Let me tell you the biggest reason why Mark couldn’t have cheated on you since the fact he is blindly in love with you apparently isn’t a compelling enough reason; It couldn’t have been Mark because he was with me the entire time. So the only person he could’ve possibly cheated on you with is me, his straight as a stick best friend and I’m sorry Mark’s a good-looking guy and all but I’m still not interested in dicks.

Jinyoung’s breathing was shallow and his eyes were bloodshot and his vision was beginning to get blurry again, but for different reason this time. Jackson went on, wanting Jinyoung to finally see the light.

‘Throughout the whole night he kept complaining and whining about how he couldn’t find you. ‘Where is Jinyoung? I can’t find him Jackson! He said he was here waiting? Where is he Jackson? Why is he not picking up my calls? Do you think he got mad I came late? What if he got sick?’ He imitated Mark in a high pitched voice and then laughed humorlessly ‘Little did he know his boyfriend was too busy jumping into conclusion without seeing the whole picture, because he was incapable of trusting him.’

‘I-I didn’t know’

‘You didn’t know Jinyoung? Mark still doesn’t know what he did to be treated like that. He probably cried himself to sleep every night just because you didn’t have the guts to talk to him about what you saw. You didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself and so just like you he jumped into conclusions as well.

‘W-What do you mean?’ The tears continued to seep down Jinyoung’s face, but he didn’t sob.

‘He thinks you got bored of him Jinyoung and maybe found someone better.’

Jinyoung’s eyes widened and started shaking his head desperately, his heart clenching at the thought of Mark believing Jinyoung wanted someone else.

‘He always saw you as some sort of prince that he wasn’t good enough to be with and so now he thinks you must have found someone more suitable. He thinks you’re going to kick him out soon so he has already packed his stuff and asked me if I can move in when you do decide you’ve had enough of him.’

Jinyoung looked horrified at the revelation, his eyes wide and mouth agape, and Jackson felt a hint of compassion for the younger.

‘N-No Mark no no no what did I do? NO Jackson what did I do?’ His voice wrecked and panicked when finally burst into tears, not caring that he was in a public place. The sobs wracked his body, robbing it off the ability to speak or even properly breathe.

‘No matter how coldly you would treat him, he still chooses to stick around because that’s how badly he wants to be with you. You’ve been hurting him and yourself just because you didn’t talk.’

Jackson shook his head, frustrated how a simple misunderstanding is ruining an entire relationship.

‘Do you know what the worst part is?’ Jackson asked, he wanted to sympathize and comfort Jinyoung, yet at the same time he wanted him to know every ounce of truth, unfiltered and raw.

‘What?’ He could hear the fear in Jinyoung’s voice but he decided not to hold himself back.

‘Today I asked him whether or not he thought you were cheating’ He paused at Jinyoung’s questioning glance that had a hint of anger

‘What? I mean why else would you suddenly be completely disinterested in him?’ Jackson defended himself, missing the way Jinyoung’s face fell in disappointment and guilt.

‘Can you guess what he said?

‘He didn’t doubt my loyalty?’ The younger asked with a sad smile

‘Not even for a second’

Jinyoung bit his lip to stop himself from breaking down again. It was entirely his fault.

‘I fucked up’ Jinyoung admitted with hollow look in his eyes

‘Big time’ He winced a little at Jackson’s honesty, but he didn’t deserve any better. The heavy weight of guilt and regret in his heart made pain from the punch from a few minutes ago, unnoticeable.

‘Do you think he will forgive me?’ He asked, preparing himself from the jarring blow of reality. Except it never came.

‘In a heartbeat’

Jinyoung’s head snapped up to look at Jackson in shock who had a small smile in his face.

‘Both of yours communication skills suck, but that doesn’t change the fact that you both you are also completely gone for each other. Give this another chance’

Jinyoung felt a surge of hope in his chest and quickly wiped his tears with his sleeves.

‘Go talk to him. He doesn’t need any grand gesture as an apology, it’s Mark; he just needs you, nothing else. Now go, you’ve kept him waiting long enough.’ Jinyoung frantically nodded and stood up to make his way to the building before Jackson spoke again

‘He loves you more than anything. Hurt him again, I won’t hold back my punches next time’

‘There won’t be a next time’ Jinyoung replied firmly and made a dash to the building, leaving a smiling Jackson behind.

Turning the door knob of their apartment, Jinyoung entered and caught a whiff of his favorite kimchi jjigae from the kitchen island. Mark made dinner for him. Again.

Walking over to couch he saw the sight of Mark curled up in the couch and it broke his heart. He looked so pale and vulnerable with his wet cheeks and red nose. Jackson was right; he cries himself to sleep. He was so blinded by anger and the feeling of betrayal, he failed to recognize the kind of mental torture he was putting Mark through.

Mark’s abandoned phone on the table suddenly buzzed to life and Jinyoung picked it up to see Jackson messaging Mark to talk to Jinyoung. Any other time, Jinyoung would be annoyed at Jackson for being such a nosy little shit but this time it was a different matter. If Mark decides to forgive him and take him back, it will all be because of Jackson’s ability to get Jinyoung’s head out of his ass.

He was going to keep the phone back but then the messages between the two caught his attention. They were talking about him and the more he read, the more he hated himself.

He hesitantly peeked into Mark’s room and he saw that yes, his luggage was indeed packed. He really believed Jinyoung was going to kick him out and get someone else. He whimpered and fell in his knees right in front of the older. He knew all about Mark’s insecurities and helped him deal with them all the time and yet this time he flourished them. The guilt was unimaginable. How is he supposed to ask for forgiveness for this?

Closing the text messages, his heart clenched and a sad smile made his way to his face when he saw that Mark’s wallpaper was a picture of them together and the lockscreen was Jinyoung’s picture. What did he do to warrant such unconditional love?

Slowly, he lifted his hand to move a strand of hair from Mark’s face while murmuring a hundred ‘I I love you’ until Mark started stirring awake. Jinyoung automatically backed away and stood up, quickly placing Mark’s phone on the table.

Mark’s eyes widened when he saw Jinyoung so near and looking at him, without disgust or any hint of anger. But then he noticed the purple bruise forming in his nose and he quickly stood up as well, overwhelmed by worry.

‘J-Jinyoung, what happened to you? Did you get mugged or something? Sit down, let me get the first-aid kit’ His voice was softer but the concern was clear but when he turned around to go to get the first aid kit, Jinyoung stopped him.

‘Actually Mark, can we talk?’ Jinyoung noticed how Mark froze at the question, when he turned around to face Jinyoung, he was chewing in his lip and his eyes were averted but he gave a weak nod.

They settled in the couch, and Jinyoung not knowing how to begin, thought it would be a good idea to start by apologizing.

‘I’m sorry Mark’ he made sure his voice was soft and sincere but then he saw a tear run down Mark’s cheek as he wiped it hastily. Mark nodded and gave him a strained smile that conveyed more pain than anything.

‘It’s okay’ Mark’s voice was even smaller than before and Jinyoung could tell that he was struggling to keep his voice steady ‘I-I’ll move out today’

Jinyoung’s eyes widened at that and then it dawned on him that Mark thinks Jinyoung is breaking up with him. He looked at Mark who was biting his lip continuously to look fine because otherwise the trembling was giving it away. He felt a sharp pang in his chest realizing Mark was trying to be strong in front of him.

‘Mark, look at me’ it took a few seconds for Mark to comply but when he did, Jinyoung immediately closed the distance between them and kissed him like his life depended on it. Mark was frozen at first, but after a while he gave in and responded back with just as much enthusiasm. Jinyoung could feel Mark’s tears dripping down his face so he let his share of tears fall as well without any resistance while caressing his face. Jinyoung pulled back after a few minutes when the lack of air got to them and saw how Mark’s eyes were still closed.

A smile made its way to Mark’s face as he opened his eyes to look at Jinyoung.

‘A goodbye kiss? Thank you’ Mark said softly, looking at Jinyoung so lovingly, the younger was having hard time breathing. Mark still didn’t get it.

The older backed away slightly and was going to stand up when Jinyoung gripped Mark’s wrist and pulled him back to him. Mark looked at him with his wide eyes and Jinyoung had to control the urge to kiss him again. They had to talk.

‘I know I’m an idiot but I’m not stupid enough to let you go. Ever.’ Jinyoung said firmly, looking at Mark right in the eyes

‘W-What?’

‘I love you Mark. Why would I want you gone?’

‘No you don’t’ Mark said bluntly and Jinyoung again felt a sharp pang in his chest ‘Don’t tell me to stay here out of pity Jinyoung. I can handle the truth, I’ll be fine, I-I can take care of myself’

Jinyoung could only imagine how much he must have hurt Mark that the older lost all faith in his love for him.

‘I know how I’ve treated you Mark, I know I’ve been a complete asshole and I know I don’t deserve to be with you but please listen to me and then whatever you decide, I’ll accept.’ Jinyoung pleaded and Mark still in shock, nodded for him to go ahead.’

Jinyoung narrated the whole thing again and the more he talked, the less he could look at Mark without being ashamed. Mark took some time to process the whole thing and the only question that made it to his lips was ‘Why didn’t you confront me?’

‘The same reason you stuck around here even though I was being shit to you. I didn’t want to leave you’ Mark’s parted lips conveyed the shock he felt and it was clear that the older wasn’t expecting to hear that. Jinyoung swallowed before continuing ‘confronting you meant that the truth will be out and I was scared Mark’ He looked at Mark and the older’s expression softened after seeing the panic in Jinyoung’s eyes. ‘I was scared that you would leave me so I stayed because even though I avoided you, I was still with you’

Jinyoung covered his face with his hands ‘I know that doesn’t excuse my behavior or change the fact I screwed it all up by not trusting you. If only I had talked about this, if only I wasn’t such a coward’ He faced Mark again and clasped his hands on his own ‘I know I messed up everything and I understand if you….if you don’t want to see me anymore, just know that I’m really….really sorry and if there was any way I could take it all back, I would’ Mark had tears brimming in his eyes and Jinyoung gently wiped them away

‘I love you Mark, and you are the most important person in my life, and maybe that’s why it awakened my own insecurities and I couldn’t act rationally at all. Please forgive me. Please take me back’

‘Are you sure about that?’ Mark voice cracked and Jinyoung cupped his face

‘You’re my soul. I can’t live without you. Please.’ Jinyoung whimpered when a sniffling Mark nodded with a smile that said so much and Jinyoung threw himself on him, embracing him a tight hug and inhaling the scent of Mark, something he missed so much.

‘I love you so much and I’m sorry for everything’

‘Next time you think I’m up to no good, can please come and talk to me first?’ Mark’s muffled voice was light and Jinyoung nodded while sobbing. ‘I was drowning in self-pity for nothing’ Jinyoung hugged him tighter at that.

‘Jinyoungie’ The younger’s heart flipped at Mark calling him like that again. ‘Can you trust me? Trust this?’

Jinyoung pulled back and looked at him with determined eyes and answered with an equally determined voice ‘Of course I do, but I know my actions contradicted my words so I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving it to you’

Mark’s pupils narrowed and seemed to flee from the expanding whites of his eyes at Jinyoung’s words.  
‘R-Rest of your life?’ Mark stuttered, his face was still pale, but a faint blush of color had infused the apples of his cheeks.

‘Yes. I don’t plan on ever letting you go’ and with that Jinyoung closed the gap between them again. When he felt Mark smile in the kiss, his heart soared with joy and allowed himself to succumb to their moment. He wanted to stay like this forever, wrapped up tightly in the embrace and sharing a kiss that had all the gentleness of the world.  
‘I won’t ever let you go’ He murmured into the kiss and again Mark smiled and Jinyoung decided he is the luckiest guy in the world.  
No relationship is flawless and neither was theirs, but that didn’t diminish the intensity of what they felt for each other. The only thing that mattered was none of them had to let go of each other which engulfed them with an overwhelming sense of contentment and comfort they always longed for.

**Author's Note:**

> What? Did you expect an angsty ending? I'm not strong enough to write one. I'm all for sunshines and rainbows, so sorry if I disappointed anyone. I'm not sure why I wrote this at all and I don't why I make Mark suffer so much in my stories even though he is my bias. Hope you enjoyed reading it though. Lots of loveee everyone! ^^ Puh-leez leave kudos and let me know what you guys think. I love reading your comments <3


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